Date: 2009-07-22 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I've read that before. It pisses me off now just as much as it did the last time.

This sentence just infuriates me: Why aren't there more stories of "the guy who got me home when I was seriously drunk and my boyfriend wasn't looking out for me"?

You know why those stories don't exist? For the same reason that the stories of "the dog that didn't bite me" don't exist. That's the norm. That's what people expect. Stories of dogs that bite and car rides that don't end in crashes and men who don't rape aren't news, because they're representative of the way things generally are.

I am too incensed about this to be civil for very long, so I won't continue much further. But my god, what an arrogant piece of work that woman must be to write this crap up.

Current mood: Anger, with occasional fits of rage and righteousness.

Date: 2009-07-22 01:08 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-07-22 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If one out of three MEN were raped in their lifetime, there would be national holidays mourning the injured. Instead, we have a society where most attackers have absolutely nothing happen to them. They just get to forget what they did.

And this I'd possible because we tacitly accept rape. We don't talk about it, and when we to, half of the time the discussion is about whether "she's lying"

Date: 2009-07-22 01:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So I appreciate the blame being brought not only on those who do wrong, but on those who let it be done.

Date: 2009-07-22 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If one out of three MEN were raped in their lifetime, there would be national holidays mourning the injured.

No, there wouldn't be anything 'national', since the stat you cite is global, not national. Even if that statistic is correct, (and I have no actual reason to believe that it is; I've seen it quoted widely but never actually substantiated) then I'll counter with this: one in three people in the world live in hunger. Where's the great outcry?

And, frankly, I don't think it's even vaguely possible to support that stat. There's no global, or even local, agreed-upon definition of rape, and without that, discussions of how often it happens are a waste of time.

And even if it *were* accurate, the average would be pulled up drastically by the Congo war zones, the culture of rape in South Africa, the culture of rape in Muslim cultures in Sweden, Norway, and, to a lesser degree, across the rest of Europe. Trust me on this: Irrespective of gender issues, these are not cultures for which Americans typically set aside a day to mourn the victims of problems within that culture.

Regardless, the OP's (cereta's, not blissfish's) stupid-ass suggestion of how to start combating the problem is just a social nightmare. Men who don't rape are supposed to start telling people about it? And then what, we give them cookies and tell them what good boys they are?

There was a woman a few years ago who stood in my dining room and regaled a room full of people with the story of how, this one time, she didn't hit her mother in law with a whip, even though the bitch was clearly asking for it, being so drunk and all wearing a skirt that short woman was irritating her no end.

That woman isn't allowed back in my house, for lots of reasons actually, but high among them is that that story was creepy, inappropriate, and the fact that she *considered* hitting her mother in law with a whip said volumes about her. Do you even want to consider what my response would be to a guy who started telling me about this one time he took a drunk chick home from a bar and didn't rape her? Hint: Stories would be told about it for years to come.

And your last sentence is a large part of the reason that my tone is so combative here. This subject is an emotional one for me in the first place, and then when I see things like that--So I appreciate the blame being brought not only on those who do wrong, but on those who let it be done--I just blow up. I know I do it. I'm not apologizing for it, though I hope you understand that it's the subject bringing this out, not you personally. But think for just one second about what you're saying here.

Let's leave rape out of the specific picture here: You're saying that the people who don't hurt other people are responsible for the fact that there are other people who do. Fuck that hare brained notion in the ear, with a brick. Violence against others (and, yes, rape too) has been going on since long before the first ape thought to hit another ape with anything beside his hand.

You'd have to talk fast and fancy to convince me that violence isn't an innate part of human nature. I say that even though I know many people who have never deliberately hurt another person, in anger or for any other reason; in my experience, those people are the exception, not the rule, and rules are made by overall experience, not exceptions. Rape is *certainly* a part of mammalian nature; there isn't a single species we've studied to any real degree that hasn't exhibited that behavior, mostly but not exclusively male-on-female. And the male dolphins that don't rape females in their pod are not responsible for the ones that do.

And the ones that tell stories about the time they didn't rape that hot little number with the inviting waggle in her dorsal fins can stay the hell out of my ocean. I don't want to hear it.


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